JL.

You say you really know me
But exactly how much of me do you really understand?

secrets and trust, how do you do it?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010 / 12:34 AM

trust. thats a big word eh ? so what is trust to you ?

according to www.dictionary.com , trust is :

–verb (used without object)

"to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something(usuall

y fol. by in or to ): to trust in another's honesty;trusting to luck."

always check for the "verb" not "noun". its the

verb that i'm talking about now.

i guess most of you would say something like that too. and its not wrong. for me, trust is more like... a loyal friend who will

never backstab you and will ALWAYS be there no matter what. i've seen many case senarios where my friends' boyfriends always go "i'll always be there

for you" but when they need them, the boyfriends are never there. which is why , i never reall

y wanted to trust a guy so much. last time i trusted one friend fully, that friend turned away from me. it hurt. which is again, why i never seem to be able to fully trust someone. even to try to build that trust is hard enough.

i wonder, how is it

that one builds trust with another ? its a matter of ur friendship with that person. a friendship might be strong, but u can not trust them. like ... i have lots of bestfriends in school whom i dont really trust at all. it was that one friend of mine , who destroyed all my trust in everyone else.

haha, i sound like an emo bitch all the time now. always so sad. i guess this blog and some of my close friends is what really keeps me sane. apart from God of course. without God, even my friends wont be able to keep me sane. writing things down seem to help ease my mind abit... when i feel really really down and e

verything is wrong, sometimes i just pop in my headphones and crank up some rock song or just metal songs. it kinda helps me to forget abit on whats making me sad and down.

this blog helps me to release some of my frustrations. it tells of the words that i would want to say out loud, but

didnt. its those unspoken words that hurt the most. i wont lie to you now... my life isnt perfect and my life is hurting me. hahahaha... if i tell you that my everyday smile is fake and empty, you wouldnt believe it. "what?! no waY

! but you smile and even laugh all the time! and i mean ALL THE TIME!" yea i do. it takes so much practice. after lying so much to others, i seem to lie to myself too. i find myself HAPPY like crazy. then a minute l

ater, i realized it was just a facade and reality comes crashing back.

and it really doesnt help it if u have bitchy friends or just jerks all around you. and it also doesnt help if ur family doesnt care. sometimes i feel kinda proud of myself.

.. no one has ever seen through my smile :) and if you're reading this, u didnt find out. i told you. thank goodness not many people know about my blog. and please, if u ever see me, dont THINK abt asking me abt my blog. coz i'll just ignore you. and that'll kill your chances of havin

g ur trust.

so then u might ask, "if you dont want others to ask you about ur blog, why did you have to type it

then?"

well, its my blog. and this is one way that i'll be sane. i hate diaries. i get lazy after a while. i somehow dont really get lazy with a blog. i probably seem lik

e a whole different person here in this blog. but who cares. this is the real me. the old me is gone. i lost it somewhere. maybe you might be the person who helps me find i

t back. maybe you might be the person who would chase it away even further and make sure i wont find it. who kno

ws?

sorry for the really long post. just felt like saying all that.