You say you really know me
But exactly how much of me do you really understand?
Fairytales don't come true.
Friday, August 5, 2011 / 9:35 AM
a falling star isnt a star at all. its just a big chunk of useless rock that falls into the atmosphere and burns up. its useless to pin hopes onto something that isnt even real. because waiting for it, is like waiting for the rain in this drought - useless and disappointing .
she sat on the couch just waiting for something to happen. Once again unexplained tears made it to her eyes as she leaned over the couch to stare into the light - a little trick she'd picked up over the months. When you stare into the light long enough, your tears won't fall. Furiously blinking helps, but not too much. She has to be strong, she'd broken down countless times already, even Kayla was mocking her. How did she managed to cry all the time now? Wasn't she supposed to be the anchor? The strongest one? Her friends needed her. She simply cannot let them down...
Janette pushed back her thoughts and sent an email to her friend. Kayla appeared next to her, making her jump. "Oh! Kayla," Janette huffed.
"Hey crybaby."
"Don't call me that!"
"Really? Who's been the one crying all the time now? Who's been the one sobbing like an idiotic little girl? Who's the one binging? Who's the one whose thoughts have never been anything but 'don't cry don't cry' ? Honestly Janette, you're the weakest girl I've ever met in my entire life!" And just like that, Kayla disappeared.
"I'm not a crybaby! I don't binge! I'm anything but weak! I'm stronger than you think! I am!" Janette clutched her head and screamed out the words one by one. Sweat pouring off her forehead, she stifled a sob. The bile on the back of her throat made her feel so sick.
"I hate this..." in fact, Janette hated her real self. She hated herself because her real self could wish her friends never existed. Her real self could feel irritated when she met others better than herself. Her real self could hate others when they could smile and lead normal lives. Her real self could eat 1/4 of a cereal box, a whole large pack of MnMs and a whole loaf of bread. Who eats a whole loaf of bread?! Janette ran to the bathroom and tried to resist the tears. She stuck a finger into the back of her throat and gagged everything out. She gagged until her ears went deaf, her face numb and her nose runny. She felt worse, but at least this time she could put her finger on what was making her feel horrible...
