JL.

You say you really know me
But exactly how much of me do you really understand?

staying strong, staying firm.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 / 10:29 PM

"Life is but a series of disappointments"

Books strewn all over the room, pencils cluttered the floor, papers filled up the trashbin and papers scattered around the table and bed. There in the corner sat a crumpled Janette. Desperately trying to study, trying to absorb information from the textbooks. Using studying as an excuse, a way out of having her mind wander. But she couldn't. Nothing would go into her brain. Tears sprang down her cheeks as she leaned back, her head swirling with frustration. In her grasp, she clutched the nearest stack of papers. Her frustrations spilling out of her like there's no tomorrow. She swallowed back a scream that was rising in her throat.

A sharp pain snapped her head to her right hand, there a small, fine red line indicated a papercut. She yelped as she threw the papers across the room. Her head in her hands, she could not study in the least, her homework was a mess, she forgot things ever so easily.

"So, how much did you get for your quiz just now?" Amanda asked. Even though Amanda was technically her "best friend", she had no idea what Janette was going through. Janette was the one who was her anchor during her hard times, Janette was the strong one, and she was determined to always be.

"Pretty bad, I suppose... minus 7 points off" Janette shrugged.

"Jane you really have to start studying! Geeze..."

Janette wanted to throw Amanda off her feet, and pound on her. She blinked back her tears and just nodded ever so slightly. "Yeah... I gotta start studying..."

In her next class, she had to whisper to Amanda "Hey, hey, what's the answer for this one?"

"Its 'D', Jane. Didn't you study for this quiz?"

"Naw, I was real busy last night. Damn I forgot about this quiz..." The childish statement fell from her lips before Janette could even stop herself. And something hit her. Not only was she pathetic, she was a liar too. To her own best friend. Excusing herself to the bathroom, Janette had a close look of her face. Red dots under her eyes are now raised little bumps. her right cheek was full of little tiny raised bumps, and was rough, patchy.

Tears scrolled down as she touched her own face. A pathetic, ugly liar she was. She was tempted to purge once more. However there wasn't enough lunch inside of her anyway. How she loathed herself. Her pathetic self.

By night, Kayla always visited her. But her visits were full of rage and mockery towards Janette. Janette would harshly whisper "Kayla get out of my house!!" , but Kayla wouldn't. Janette couldn't scream either, no one else was supposed to know that Kayla was in the house. "Jane, you can't even get rid of me. How pathetic. You can't even concentrate anymore! Geeze, something's wrong with youuuuuu~ Who knows, maybe you have a disease! All you do now is puke puke puke, no duh your face is a mess now! Awww... you want to stop purging? Bet you a whole lifetime that you can't stop! you're nothing but a coward! A COWARD YOU HEAR ME?!"

Janette violently shook her head, her hands covering her ears. "NO! I'm NOT a coward! I'm not, I'm not..." She repeated over and over again. Tears wetting her face and homework. Suddenly bright spots appear in her eyes as she stood up. Her ears numbed out and she can't feel her own limbs. She gave in to the darkness and fell, out cold on the floor, her head missing the edge of the table by centimetres.